I can feel it. I don’t know what to do. I am wanting to do things, like laundry or cleaning anything. I want to help. My husband does everything. He says he doesn’t but he’s a liar.
He does the cleaning around the house, he gets the kids off to school in the morning, he puts them to bed at night, I just make sure they don’t die while he’s at work. My mind is telling me I am useless and I can’t find anything to argue with.
I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to go down again. I have worked so hard. I joined a choir because I love making music with other formally trained musicians. I joined my church praise team because I wanted to make new music and I’m learning to play the bass for that group because it’s fun to learn something new. I have tried to get out and make friends and be more active.
And here I am. Going down again. Helplessly. So I guess this is an experiment. I am going to see if I can actively work to get out of this, or if I have to wait it out. God, please don’t make me have to wait it out.
Step 1: I am going to do everything in my power to keep going to my obligations, even when I don’t want to, even when I don’t care or I think I am not worth anything to the group.
Step 2: I am going to keep a gratitude journal of at least one thing I have going for me each day.
Step 3: I am going to do my makeup and take selfies of myself that I love every single day. No matter how late it is, I am going to put on my makeup that makes me feel beautiful and take some pics that I love.
Step 4: No matter how bad I feel, I am not going to apologize for what I am going through. I can tell people that I thank them for being patient with me, but I will never apologize.
Who knows if these things will actually help me get out of my downward spiral faster, but if I find that they don’t work or I can’t do them, or if something else works better, I will blog again to show what helps me. Maybe it can help someone else too.
I fucking hate cooking. I wish I was one of those people like Martha Stewart or The Pioneer Woman, but lets face facts: I am not. I hate that it takes so long to cook food. I want it to be ready now. And I hate that cooking requires so much clean up. Guys, I do not clean up well at all.
Hence, my affinity for freezer aisle foods. Honestly, its not just freezer aisle foods, but any kind of food that comes pre-packaged and ready to go. I thought I would share some of my fav ideas for breakfast and some tips I have learned about preparing them and hopefully, I will get some new ideas from you!
Breakfast Idea #1: I recommend the little packages of sausage biscuits that you microwave. They come in individual packages of two but are sold in large bags with many packs of two inside. Tip: microwave them wrapped up in a paper towel. Napkins are too thin and let out all the moisture, which means the sandwiches will harden like a rock in two seconds. Aluminum foil will keep the sausage biscuits from cooking and you will be stuck with frozen sandwiches. Yuck. The only downside to this breakfast is that you have to eat them sort of quickly because even if you do use paper towels, the sandwiches will still get hard (because you are microwaving bread) and you can’t even bite into them after that.
Breakfast Idea #2: Slim-Fast Shakes. Before you scroll down, I am not being paid by Slim-Fast to promote this. I just like the shakes because they taste alright and you can literally grab one out of the fridge and just go. There are a lot of mornings where I don’t want to eat anything at all, but I know it will be a long time before I will have a chance to eat again. Drinking a shake is a way to kind of trick my mind and body to letting me get some nourishment without feeling sick. Then I am at least able to last until the next snack/meal. Tip: If you have an extra minute, put the shake in a blender with some ice and you get an ice cold summer smoothie.
Breakfast Idea #3: Frozen waffles/French toast sticks. Waffles can be made in the toaster which is easier but the french toast sticks take only 3 or 4 minutes in the oven, but you have to dirty a baking sheet and wait for the oven to heat up, so its up to you. Personally, I think french toast sticks are worth the effort. Tip: Cover the baking sheet in aluminum foil or wax paper. Then when you are done, throw away the foil or paper and rinse off the baking sheet. Boom. Done. Another tip: If you’re like me, you can just eat these plain, but if you want syrup, put some in a little container and tear up your waffle and just dip it in. I like to save the extra syrups I get from fast food restaurants and just use those.
Breakfast Idea #4: Frozen sausage patties on English Muffins. If you want a little more, you can always add cheese and I like to microwave an egg in my one minute egg microwave cooker. Toast your muffins, and you can microwave the sausage too.Tip: When you microwave your sausage, use a napkin. Unfold it once so that you can lay the patty on the napkin and cover the patty with the other half, essentially folding the napkin back up with the sausage in the middle. The napkin will soak up a ton of the grease. Another tip: use an oil spray to really spray down the inside of your microwave egg cooker, even to the point of leaving a puddle of oil inside. Then when you remove your egg after cooking, it will slide right out and will be more likely to stay intact.
Okay so listen up, I eat these kinds of things all the time, not because I’m too busy to make a decent meal, but because I don’t have the energy or see the point in putting forth all that effort just to have to clean everything up again. So I usually eat things that make little mess. And if I’ve got the money, I just go out for breakfast.
But I need new ideas! What is your fav easy-to-make breakfast? Hit me up in the comments and I’ll give it a try!
*For the first time in foreverrrrrrrr* I had a good day! I did not get the things done that I had on my checklist, but I did get a ton of stuff done. I got tons of laundry done (we are still washing all the stuff in the house because of a lice incident), and I got a lot of it put away. There was a mountain of clean laundry on my bed and since my sheets got lost in the mountain of dirty laundry, I had just been piling clean clothes on my bed and sleeping on my couch. My back is still admonishing me for that. But all the laundry on my bed has been put away and I found my bedding and washed it. So finally, my bed is made and pretty, although I’m missing my king sized pillows still. I have one wimpy pillow. Oh well.
I cleaned up the wreck of a living room, ironed four shirts (I haven’t ironed in years, and that’s not an exaggeration), did some more laundry, and cleaned up my bedroom (which is where everything gets dumped when people show up last minute and I have to make my house look clean). Oh, and I cleaned out my closet by taking all the stuff I didn’t want and putting it in the garage to deal with later. I got a lot done!
My first attempt at getting over the fact that I didn’t finish everything
You might notice, however, that I did not get a blog post out yesterday, and I did not get any of my homework done. So it’s a little bittersweet. I got important stuff done and left important stuff undone. It was extremely hard to get over that last fact.
When my husband came home, I hadn’t packed the kids’ bags for a sleepover at the grandparents’ house, in fact, I couldn’t even find clothes for two out of my three kids (lice remember? everything had been bagged up and taken downstairs). In the process of cleaning, I made everything much worse so the place looked terrible and I was hoping to have a lot more done before hubby came home. He walked in the door and I cried. Bless him, he didn’t get frustrated with me. I told him I didn’t want to go to band practice tonight, and he was very gracious and didn’t make me feel guilty for canceling. He told me that instead of having the kids sleep over, he was just going to have Mamaw watch them for the few hours he was going to be gone tonight and then he would bring them home, meaning I didn’t have to find extra clothes to pack.
He got everyone out of the house and I got to be all by myself. I listened to music for quite a while, watched some Bob’s Burgers and then I decided I wanted my house to be cozy, so I picked up my cleaning from where I left off. He came home later with the kids and two Dr. Peppers (one for tonight and one for tomorrow) to find two of the rooms in our house very presentable.
Today, my hubby was my happy place. He took me there and I am so grateful for him and his patience. Even though he can’t always help me, he always tries. It’s why I love him. It’s why today turned out to be a good day.
Do you ever have issues celebrating your successes because you didn’t get things done exactly how you wanted? Can you get to a place where that doesn’t happen anymore? Tell me how you cope in the comments! I need advice!
You know Leslie Knope’s house in Parks and Rec when she is going to host a dinner party to impress her well-traveled boyfriend? Remember the complete mess? Okay, please refer to figure 1.a
Figure 1.a The Official Chart of Messy Houses
Needless to say, my house is such a wreck that Ralph should live here (anyone? anyone?). I have a difficult time getting the cleaning done because I don’t care enough to clean. I only care when someone is coming over. Then I bust my butt and get mad when it’s down to the wire and everything is still too messy. I feel overwhelmed by my house right now and I need simple short tasks I can easily complete. I present to you: 15 things that you can clean in 15 minutes.
Coffee table – mine has a ton of dishes and school books on it with a few other odds and ends, but I can’t see the table so it’s probably time to clean it.
Bookshelf – my kids have half a bookshelf that is for all their mass of books and luckily they like to read. Unluckily, they haven’t figured out how to actually put books back nicely so it’s all pretty.
Figure 1.b Actual footage from my dreams
Entryway – shoes flood the area since I started the “take your shoes off at the door” rule. Not to mention mail and random stuff has accumulated on the little desk by the door. Time to put it all away and light a candle to get rid of the stinky shoe smell.
Couch – I spend a lot of time on the couch. Like a lot. I pretty much set up camp on the couch and I do all my schoolwork, blogging, and Pinteresting here. As I look to my right I can see:
my blog notes
my daughter’s homework folder
a book that belongs with the kids’ books on the bookshelf
a box of Kleenex
an empty plate with a knife on top (I had a bagel earlier).
my church projection computer notes
a few coloring pages
a few blankets of various sizes (you need to be ready for anything)
Folding a basket of clothes – I don’t always get the laundry done before we run out of clothes, but when I actually do the laundry, I rarely fold it or put it away. We spend way too many mornings putting our clothes back in the dryer to get the wrinkles out so we don’t look like hobos. I should probably get better at folding clothes.
Putting away the basket of clothes–
Figure 1.c All of the people who have never put away a basket of clothes before
Calm down. I know this is a ridiculous request, but if we put away our clothes, tomorrow we can get out of the shower and open our closet like some rich girl from the movies and it will make us feel good!
Throw away the trash in the kitchen – I’m not sure why I don’t throw away trash as I make it, but I don’t. It stays on the counter until I or someone else cleans the kitchen. Full disclosure: no one else in my house throws their trash away either, so it’s not just me. It will take no time at all to simply walk around the kitchen throwing things away.
Hallway – I have one hallway and unless someone has thrown the entire contents of their room into the hallway (for which there is a precedent), my hallway cleaning entails picking up a few things and vacuuming. Super quick.
The dining room table – there is a small caveat to this one: I’m not including doing the dishes from the table. I just set them in the sink. #ihatedoingdishes
The top of my dresser/my makeup table – the top of my dresser has the really large mirror on it and it is where I do my hair and makeup. I don’t clean as I go (haven’t you figured that out yet?) and it gets pretty cluttered and wrecked. Putting things back where they belong doesn’t really take that much effort from me, other than deciding to do it.
Start a load of laundry – oh no, we came full circle, didn’t we? It doesn’t take too long and if you’re reading this post, I’m guessing you need clean clothes just as much as I do.
Bathroom mirror(s) – I never think about cleaning the mirrors until its a sunny day and the blinds are open and I can clearly see all the splashes from the sink all over the mirrors. Maybe I need to come up with a cleaning schedule…
The bed– if you have stuff all over your bed such as books, clean clothes, electronics, etc., put them away in the simplest way possible. If you don’t have time to put away the clean clothes in 15 minutes, put them back in the basket and find a place for the basket. Get it? Honestly, I always think making my bed is a waste of time. I’m going to mess it up in a few hours anyway. But when I do, it looks so warm and cozy and special. I remember once again how good the sight of my made bed makes me feel and I wonder why I don’t do it every day.
The kids’ beds– my daughter is just old enough to be able to make her bed. The boys are still pretty small so I make their beds for them… occasionally. Most of the time they just stay unmade. But there is something that inspires me about a made bed (see #13).
Pick up trash in your car – depending on how bad the trash situation in your car is, this whole job might take more than 15 minutes. If that’s the case, set a timer and clean until it goes off. If you are so inclined, go ahead and finish the job. If not, walk proudly back into your house knowing you worked hard today. For me, I pick up the trash while we are going through the car wash. I always grab a few complimentary trash bags as we go through the car wash line. The next time we get a wash, I have the kids unbuckle as soon as I pull into the parking lot and they take a trash bag and fill it up. By the time we get to the trash can, I grab a few more bags, the job is done and I didn’t have to do much at all. Win-win.
If you struggle with keeping a clean house like I do, #1: please let me know because I like to see that other people struggle with the same things I do and #2: know your not the only person who has a messy house. You’re not alone. We may be gross but we’re gross together! Gross power! Okay but seriously, let’s pick something to clean because it’s about time.