Heyyyy guys. So here’s what happened.
A little backstory: In dealing with my depression, my fatigue has gotten out of this world. It isn’t just that I could sleep all day, it is that I can’t. stay. awake. So I’ve been dealing with this for sometime now and this week, I really wanted to stay awake and be productive. I feel like if I could just stay awake and get shit done, it would help a lot of my depression because I wouldn’t feel so damn worthless. I’ve taken caffeine pills before and I’ve always felt that they weren’t that effective on me, so I didn’t take them very often. Well, on Sunday night, I stayed up to get homework done before the damn 11:59pm deadline, and ended up getting about one hour (possibly) to two hours (at most) of sleep before it was time to get the kids up for school. It was definitely after 3am when I went to bed.
Anyway, on Monday morning I was like, “You know what? Imma stay awake today!” and, determined AF, I took a caffeine pill in the morning after I put my kiddos on the bus. I was going to make sure it worked this time. It was pretty awesome and I was awake at 9am for the first time in forever! So I got a little bit of stuff done and I felt amazing about it.
Then, at about 2pm-ish, I took another caffeine pill because I was crashing and I was thinking to myself, “If I could just stay awake until I get the kids in bed, I can then go to bed at a good time and give myself plenty of time to get plenty of sleep and wake up and stay up tomorrow. You know, get into a good rhythm so I can fix my sleep issues… maybe.” So my son had his therapy and I was starting to get moving for the evening routine: kids home from school, dinner, showers, etc. There’s a lot of shit to do in the evening.
Sometime after my son’s therapy, I took another pill, something like an hour-ish after the second one. I was thinking, “Just stay awake. I know there’s a lot to do but you can do it now that you’ve prepared yourself with another pill. It will kick in and you will be the Wonder Woman you used to be before all this mess went down. Punch depression in its stupid face!”
Well, I made it through the evening like a champ. I was so proud of myself, guys. I could have cried. I couldn’t remember the last time I had stayed awake for the whole of the daylight hours and actually felt awake. Just staying awake made me feel like a normal person again. I felt accomplished. Seriously, I didn’t even do that much that day and I felt so damn good. Usually, when I am awake, I am sitting on the couch, watching T.V., and counting the minutes until my son’s nap time or until my husband gets home so I can sleep some more. Not today. Don’t get me wrong, I was no June Cleaver, but I got shit done.
So, its bedtime and everything calms down. I actually go through my bedtime routine which has become like an “every-once-in-a-while” instead of a routine. My hubby and I both go to bed together (which is a coin toss normally), and I am thinking to myself, “Okay, this is it. Your big chance. You are in bed at 9pm, which is amazing quite frankly. Amazing that you stayed awake until 9pm and amazing that you are making yourself go to sleep so early instead of stay up all night and live the life you want to live during the day, except in the dark, all alone.” I laid there with a podcast called “Sleepy” on and the speaker was reading “Don Quixote” in a low, sleepy voice. I was in actual pajamas, not just my clothes from the day, and I had washed my face and brushed my teeth, which was a pure miracle, so I felt ready for bed.
I’m laying in bed, trying so hard to go to sleep and my husband, champion sleeper that he is, fell asleep almost immediately, and I listened to his snoring for a while but my stomach did everything in its power to be even louder. I tossed and turned and my stomach was in turmoil. It was getting bad. It got so bad that I woke up my hubby and made him get me a trash can, because I was pretty sure it was gonna happen, and I couldn’t move for fear of jump starting it. He sat up with me for a while. I was shaking, but I wasn’t cold. I was exhausted but I couldn’t sleep. In fact, I was afraid to fall asleep. I had hit that point where you drop into sleep a couple of times already that night, but I woke myself up with a terrible falling feeling instead of just letting the drop happen. I’m not sure why, but I was terrified of falling asleep. Like maybe I was scared I wouldn’t wake up. Not to mention, I have always been uneasy about not knowing where my mind goes when I am asleep, thinking that maybe I don’t exist when my mind shuts down and it scares me something terrible, but usually I am able to work my way through it relatively easily. Not tonight.
I sat up with the trash can and the nauseous feeling subsided. Great. If I can just stay sitting up, I won’t throw up. I’m so glad its not like its bedtime and I haven’t had any sleep… oh, riiiiight. I did some flipping through Google, and I realized that the most likely cause of my nausea and other symptoms was a caffeine overdose. I honestly, did not realize that was possible, but looking back, it seems way obvious. I told my husband what I had taken (and why I had taken it, which was important to me that he know that) and told him that if we had to go to the hospital, he needed to get the bottle for me to take with us. For now though, he needed to go back to sleep because he was either going to work tomorrow or staying home to care for our kiddos because I was going to be asleep all day, most likely.
As his snoring filled the room once again, my feelings were starting to calm down, but I was still pretty shaky and unwilling to test laying down to see if my stomach could handle it. I turned on a low light, and worked on my crochet blanket, which was a mistake. I had failed to account for my shaking. I painstakingly made it through one row and then gave up. I got back on my phone and decided to write a blog post while I waited for my body to get itself back under control.
Finally, sometime between 3 and 4am (hours after I had had my little episode), I laid down. My husband’s alarm went off at 4:30. He got up and I asked him to call in to work because I could not care for our son. He was able to call into work, but he had a class at 10am that he needed to be at. So I woke up at about 9am, and in another miracle case, stayed awake. Even after one of the most difficult nights I’ve had in a LONG time! I stayed awake! All day! Guys, I took a shower and everything! I did take it easy that day though, and ended up going to sleep a few minutes after putting my children to bed that evening at 8pm. I had made it!
Again, I turned on my Sleepy podcast, and I drifted off into the first full night’s sleep I have had all week.
I’m okay guys. I did not take too much on purpose (I promise!), but I never want to take another caffeine pill again. It was rough. I am so glad I had my husband with me during my freak out in the middle of the night. He really helped me calm down and talk through some things. Let me just say, lesson learned. Mischief managed.
Have you ever accidentally taken medications wrong? What happened? I would love to hear!