I Accidentally Took Too Much Caffeine

Heyyyy guys. So here’s what happened.

A little backstory: In dealing with my depression, my fatigue has gotten out of this world. It isn’t just that I could sleep all day, it is that I can’t. stay. awake. So I’ve been dealing with this for sometime now and this week, I really wanted to stay awake and be productive. I feel like if I could just stay awake and get shit done, it would help a lot of my depression because I wouldn’t feel so damn worthless. I’ve taken caffeine pills before and I’ve always felt that they weren’t that effective on me, so I didn’t take them very often. Well, on Sunday night, I stayed up to get homework done before the damn 11:59pm deadline, and ended up getting about one hour (possibly) to two hours (at most) of sleep before it was time to get the kids up for school. It was definitely after 3am when I went to bed.

Anyway, on Monday morning I was like, “You know what? Imma stay awake today!” and, determined AF, I took a caffeine pill in the morning after I put my kiddos on the bus. I was going to make sure it worked this time. It was pretty awesome and I was awake at 9am for the first time in forever! So I got a little bit of stuff done and I felt amazing about it.

Then, at about 2pm-ish, I took another caffeine pill because I was crashing and I was thinking to myself, “If I could just stay awake until I get the kids in bed, I can then go to bed at a good time and give myself plenty of time to get plenty of sleep and wake up and stay up tomorrow. You know, get into a good rhythm so I can fix my sleep issues… maybe.” So my son had his therapy and I was starting to get moving for the evening routine: kids home from school, dinner, showers, etc. There’s a lot of shit to do in the evening.

Sometime after my son’s therapy, I took another pill, something like an hour-ish after the second one. I was thinking, “Just stay awake. I know there’s a lot to do but you can do it now that you’ve prepared yourself with another pill. It will kick in and you will be the Wonder Woman you used to be before all this mess went down. Punch depression in its stupid face!”

Well, I made it through the evening like a champ. I was so proud of myself, guys. I could have cried. I couldn’t remember the last time I had stayed awake for the whole of the daylight hours and actually felt awake. Just staying awake made me feel like a normal person again. I felt accomplished. Seriously, I didn’t even do that much that day and I felt so damn good. Usually, when I am awake, I am sitting on the couch, watching T.V., and counting the minutes until my son’s nap time or until my husband gets home so I can sleep some more. Not today. Don’t get me wrong, I was no June Cleaver, but I got shit done.

So, its bedtime and everything calms down. I actually go through my bedtime routine which has become like an “every-once-in-a-while” instead of a routine. My hubby and I both go to bed together (which is a coin toss normally), and I am thinking to myself, “Okay, this is it. Your big chance. You are in bed at 9pm, which is amazing quite frankly. Amazing that you stayed awake until 9pm and amazing that you are making yourself go to sleep so early instead of stay up all night and live the life you want to live during the day, except in the dark, all alone.” I laid there with a podcast called “Sleepy” on and the speaker was reading “Don Quixote” in a low, sleepy voice. I was in actual pajamas, not just my clothes from the day, and I had washed my face and brushed my teeth, which was a pure miracle, so I felt ready for bed.

I’m laying in bed, trying so hard to go to sleep and my husband, champion sleeper that he is, fell asleep almost immediately, and I listened to his snoring for a while but my stomach did everything in its power to be even louder. I tossed and turned and my stomach was in turmoil. It was getting bad. It got so bad that I woke up my hubby and made him get me a trash can, because I was pretty sure it was gonna happen, and I couldn’t move for fear of jump starting it. He sat up with me for a while. I was shaking, but I wasn’t cold. I was exhausted but I couldn’t sleep. In fact, I was afraid to fall asleep. I had hit that point where you drop into sleep a couple of times already that night, but I woke myself up with a terrible falling feeling instead of just letting the drop happen. I’m not sure why, but I was terrified of falling asleep. Like maybe I was scared I wouldn’t wake up. Not to mention, I have always been uneasy about not knowing where my mind goes when I am asleep, thinking that maybe I don’t exist when my mind shuts down and it scares me something terrible, but usually I am able to work my way through it relatively easily. Not tonight.

I sat up with the trash can and the nauseous feeling subsided. Great. If I can just stay sitting up, I won’t throw up. I’m so glad its not like its bedtime and I haven’t had any sleep… oh, riiiiight. I did some flipping through Google, and I realized that the most likely cause of my nausea and other symptoms was a caffeine overdose. I honestly, did not realize that was possible, but looking back, it seems way obvious. I told my husband what I had taken (and why I had taken it, which was important to me that he know that) and told him that if we had to go to the hospital, he needed to get the bottle for me to take with us. For now though, he needed to go back to sleep because he was either going to work tomorrow or staying home to care for our kiddos because I was going to be asleep all day, most likely.

As his snoring filled the room once again, my feelings were starting to calm down, but I was still pretty shaky and unwilling to test laying down to see if my stomach could handle it. I turned on a low light, and worked on my crochet blanket, which was a mistake. I had failed to account for my shaking. I painstakingly made it through one row and then gave up. I got back on my phone and decided to write a blog post while I waited for my body to get itself back under control.

Finally, sometime between 3 and 4am (hours after I had had my little episode), I laid down. My husband’s alarm went off at 4:30. He got up and I asked him to call in to work because I could not care for our son. He was able to call into work, but he had a class at 10am that he needed to be at. So I woke up at about 9am, and in another miracle case, stayed awake. Even after one of the most difficult nights I’ve had in a LONG time! I stayed awake! All day! Guys, I took a shower and everything! I did take it easy that day though, and ended up going to sleep a few minutes after putting my children to bed that evening at 8pm. I had made it!

Again, I turned on my Sleepy podcast, and I drifted off into the first full night’s sleep I have had all week.

I’m okay guys. I did not take too much on purpose (I promise!), but I never want to take another caffeine pill again. It was rough. I am so glad I had my husband with me during my freak out in the middle of the night. He really helped me calm down and talk through some things. Let me just say, lesson learned. Mischief managed.

Have you ever accidentally taken medications wrong? What happened? I would love to hear!

Five Great Shows To Keep On Loop

“Thanks, Jack, for coming to this emergency meeting. I’m sorry I’m four hours late, but my alarm clock didn’t go off because it died in a cock fight last night.”

Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock

I keep a screen on all the time. I can pretty much guarantee it’s not a good thing, but here we are. I am a stay at home mom so that screen is pretty much my link to the adult world. I watch certain shows over and over again (usually up until the last couple of episodes so I can start back at episode 1 and it’s like it never went off the air). I could dominate “The Office” themed trivia night.

I’m one of those people that keeps the screen on at night because it’s hard for me to sleep without it. I have tried and occasionally I can, but most of the time I’m up for hours thinking about terrible things like

  • what would I be doing right now if all my family had died in a car accident last week?
  • what if I had never married my husband?
  • what if my daughter had cancer and had to live in a children’s hospital and our family had to move to be close to her?
  • what if I am going to die tomorrow?
  • what will happen to me?
  • will my soul actually go to be with the Lord like I hope?
  • I’m not a great person, maybe I will go to hell.
  • What will hell be like?
  • How will I live for eternity in hell?
  • Oh God, Jesus save me.

Things get real really fast when I try to go to sleep. If I turn on a show, my mind follows what’s happening in the show, even though I can’t see what’s going on because I am literally closing my eyes to go to sleep. It’s why I only put on shows that are light-hearted and familiar. I can’t put on anything I haven’t seen before, because then I will be too interested in what is going on and I won’t fall asleep.

I’ve come up with some of my favorite shows I keep on loop during my time. They can all be found on Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon Prime.

  1. Bob’s Burgers – Hulu: This show is genuinely funny with its musical numbers and quirky family (and turkey). It follows the Belcher family as they navigate three children and running a not-too-successful restaurant, but they are pretty terrible at life. It makes for a great show though. 
  2. Grace and Frankie – Netflix: Frenemies Grace and Frankie meet up for dinner with their husbands, whom they have been happily married to for forty years. They think their husbands are announcing their retirement. Come to find out, their husbands are leaving their ladies… for each other. I am not sure why but this show truly comforts me. It has its fair share of drama but it is honestly funny throughout. Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin make me excited to get older. 
  3. The Office – Netflix: This one had to be a given. It’s the perfect show to watch over and over because the jokes never stop being funny. It follows a group of office workers in a paper company led by a completely incompetent boss. There are a few fantastic love stories to be found and a million “that’s what she said” jokes.
  4. Doctor Who – Amazon Prime: This is my favorite show in existence. I could watch this and only this for the rest of my life. It is a British show about a time-traveling alien called “The Doctor” who flies around in his T.A.R.D.I.S. (i.e. living spaceship) that is bigger on the inside than it looks on the outside. He usually has a companion with him, usually a human from earth and usually from our time period. The amount of ridiculous is hilarious in this show and the idea of dignity for all is prevalent throughout. It’s been on for over fifty years! If you have never seen it, I recommend you start with the ninth doctor and push through the cheesy special effects (they get better). It’s absolutely worth it. If you haven’t seen it, it won’t be a good one to keep on loop because it’s too interesting, but when you have caught up, it makes for a great companion to your days. 
  5. The It Crowd: This one will have you laughing so hard, so maybe keep it on during the day only. It’s another British show (I end up watching a lot of those) and it follows the I.T. department of a company, which is four people. Two are socially incompetent nerds, one is a woman who lied her way into the job, and the last one… well, spoilers. Try it. Trust me. It’s amazing. 

These are just some of the shows that bring me comfort. I’ll probably do another post soon with more suggestions but for now, check these out. You won’t regret it. Happy binge watching!

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