Downward Spiral, HO!

I can feel it. I don’t know what to do. I am wanting to do things, like laundry or cleaning anything. I want to help. My husband does everything. He says he doesn’t but he’s a liar.

He does the cleaning around the house, he gets the kids off to school in the morning, he puts them to bed at night, I just make sure they don’t die while he’s at work. My mind is telling me I am useless and I can’t find anything to argue with.

I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to go down again. I have worked so hard. I joined a choir because I love making music with other formally trained musicians. I joined my church praise team because I wanted to make new music and I’m learning to play the bass for that group because it’s fun to learn something new. I have tried to get out and make friends and be more active.

And here I am. Going down again. Helplessly. So I guess this is an experiment. I am going to see if I can actively work to get out of this, or if I have to wait it out. God, please don’t make me have to wait it out.

Step 1: I am going to do everything in my power to keep going to my obligations, even when I don’t want to, even when I don’t care or I think I am not worth anything to the group.

Step 2: I am going to keep a gratitude journal of at least one thing I have going for me each day.

Step 3: I am going to do my makeup and take selfies of myself that I love every single day. No matter how late it is, I am going to put on my makeup that makes me feel beautiful and take some pics that I love.

Step 4: No matter how bad I feel, I am not going to apologize for what I am going through. I can tell people that I thank them for being patient with me, but I will never apologize.

Who knows if these things will actually help me get out of my downward spiral faster, but if I find that they don’t work or I can’t do them, or if something else works better, I will blog again to show what helps me. Maybe it can help someone else too.

Anyone else wanna run this experiment with me?

Back in the Game

Hi friends,

Let me just start by saying I’m glad you are here. I am so happy you are reading this blog post. I have been dealing with a particularly severe bout of depression and I let this blog go for a bit. Thank you for being so patient with me.

But now, I’m feeling the urge to write again and I want to write to you! I don’t often say this about the things I create, but I like this blog. I’m actually pretty proud of it. I had a goal to make money with it by the end of 2019, but you know what? Goal cancelled.

If I do, cool. If I don’t, cool. I like to write and I like connecting with people and there is no reason I should turn this blog into a chore.

My new goal: (Part 1) Make an honest attempt to post once a week… probably toward the end of the week, like Thursday or Friday. (Part 2) Make some connections with people through my blog and get to know them a little bit.

Have you been reading and want to reach out? Go ahead and comment! Introduce yourself! Honestly, I would love to know what your favorite show is and why. I love watching T.V. Mine is Doctor Who because I feel like that show makes a huge point to make the case that every. single. person. is. important. Donna Noble’s storyline is my favorite because I relate so hard.

What about you? Go on! You can do it! Reach out for a little human interaction. It’ll be fun!

Back in the game d&d